God refined my expectations

As any young girl or woman growing up, I had always desired to live out that fairy tale life. I had hoped to meet my prince charming at university and eventually get married and settle down by the time I was 25. When I was in my second year of university, it seemed like everything was going to plan, I was doing well at University and I was dating a handsome guy that I intended on marrying. He was nice enough, but I was always worried about his spiritual life. As the next few years went by, I realised that we were spending an increasing amount of time with one another and Christ wasn’t being honoured in our relationship. As hard as it was, I took the decision to end things with him, even though I desperately wanted to be with him.

Soon after we graduated, but we still kept in contact and we would still meet up from time to time. As time went on, I realised with greater urgency that he just didn’t have the desire for God as much as I needed him to, and I still questioned whether or not he was saved. Unfortunately, despite how I was feeling, I kept running back to him because of his promises to change and work harder to be with me. In the end I realised that he just wasn’t going to change, and a few things happened which really opened my eyes to who he really was, after which I cut him off completely. It was a bitter sweet experience. I was in a great deal of pain because I thought I loved him but in the same breath I was thankful to God that he saved me from even more heartbreak in the future. I cried a lot. I stopped eating and I spent most days in bed. But with time I got over it and I got over him.

After that experience it wasn’t a great concern of mine to meet anyone. It wasn’t at the forefront of my mind anymore and I just didn’t care. Don’t get me wrong, I still had the desire to get married, but I thought it would happen when it would happen. Deep down, I didn’t want to be disappointed. Whilst I had this mindset, my parents challenged me to be prayerful about it and I didn’t have to make the idea of marriage an idol just because I prayed about it. At the end of the day marriage is a good thing, a holy covenant ordained and blessed by God. So, I prayed. I won’t lie and say I was in my prayer closet praying for a man every day because that really wasn’t the case, but I did pray from time to time.

So, in the year summer of 2018, unbeknown to me I was informally introduced to my now boyfriend and Lord willing future husband! We had been going to the same church for years, but we had never really spoken. Long story short, a friend of mine set me up. I had forgotten a pot at church event and she so happened to give that pot to him. After church one Sunday, I was forced to communicate with him to retrieve the pot and we ended up exchanging numbers. Over the course of the next few months we spoke here and there, but it was mainly banter and superficial conversation, until he randomly invited me out for coffee. Me being me, I tried to dodge it and brush it off because it was so random and unwarranted in my opinion, but he was persistent and in the end I obliged.

In all honesty, it was a very pleasant coffee date, if I could call it that but after that we went our separate ways. Surprisingly, he wanted to meet up again and again and that’s what made me question his intentions. In my opinion I didn’t think we knew each other well enough. All we did was make fun of each other and speak about work related things. Nothing deep. At that point I wasn’t aware of his intentions. Yes, I could have assumed but I didn’t want to be that girl. So, I asked him outright, “what are your intentions’. He explained to me that he had been watching me for over a year and that he had taken the time out to interact with me in group settings and more recently individually. He wanted to know everything about me, not so that he could make a decision about whether or not he wanted to be with me, but so that he could understand why I did or said certain things. If I was willing, he wanted things to progress further. Initially in my head I was like hell no! I was hell bent on being with a ready-made man who was driving a fancy car, had a well-paying job and was fashionable but still loved the Lord. But to my surprise that wasn’t the Lords plan. He used this man to humble me. From that conversation I could see that he and taken the time (over a year) to make sure that it was me that he really wanted to pursue. He made sure that it wasn’t just infatuation. He asked our mutual friend about me. I thought that was beautiful. I felt valued. After that conversation I apologised to him for overlooking the beauty that comes with struggling and growing together. I went from having my guard up and almost rejecting him to opening my heart to him completely. A month later, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes!!

Even though it seemed very quick, I wasn’t fearful. I felt at peace. Everyone I had spoken to had nothing but good things to say about him which only confirmed my decision to be with him. I’m thankful to God because he blessed me with a guy that I least expected at a time I least expected. He used and continues to use him to prune me. Above all He loves the Lord and he truly cares for my soul. Lord willing, we’re planning to get married in the summer of 2021! I got my fairy tale after all. I say that lightly because I do not expect things to be easy, but I do believe that in our weaknesses Christ is made strong and is glorified.