Learning contentment during my single season

When I was 24, I started dating an incredible man. For the purpose of this testimony, I'm going to call him Bob. Bob was intelligent, respectful, ambitious, attractive and most importantly, he was a Christian. I was honestly on cloud 9. He was everything that I wanted. We spoke every day and saw each other frequently and it was perfect. Every date was just as spontaneous and romantic as the first.

I soon met his family, who were so lovely and welcoming. In particular, I bonded with his sister and we had arranged to meet separately. Bob and I often spoke about the future - we made plans of all the places we wanted to visit, the restaurants we just had to go to, the films we couldn't miss out on and the anniversaries soon to follow. Things appeared to be going so well.

Suddenly, things took a turn for the worse. I returned home from what I had thought was a great date to a text message from Bob, which said, ‘I can no longer do this. I can't see myself in this relationship.’ I was confused and this felt like it came out of nowhere. When I asked him to explain further, he said that he wasn't ready for a relationship and that it would be better to end things now. You can only imagine how upset I was. How could the man I spent every day talking to, the man I shared all my secrets with, the man I planned my future with be so cold and change his mind so quickly? He didn't want me. I was heartbroken and I didn't understand but I had to accept his decision. Friends tried to offer their support but nothing helped. I'd often hear, “You can do so much better anyway”; “everything happens for a reason”; and “see this as a blessing” but I didn't believe any of it. I know that people meant well but the truth is that during this time, their words didn't provide any comfort.

To make things worse, a few months later I was on Instagram and I found out that Bob had an Instagram account. "This was new," I thought to myself. I hadn't known him to have an Instagram account whilst we were dating. I knew I probably shouldn't have looked but I viewed his activity and found out that he had been liking his ex girlfriend's photos. Since when did they speak?! Is he speaking to her?! Are they seeing each other?! Is she the reason we broke up?! All of these thoughts ran through my mind.

The emotions were pouring in and you know what us girls do when we are high on an emotional drive...we compose! I started to compose my message and boy, it was going to be good. I decided to keep it simple.

"Are you back with your ex?", I asked.

Bob replied and confirmed it, saying they had been talking and they decided to give it another go. My heart sank. How could he? What did she have that I didn’t?

I had wanted to respond with so much. I wanted him to know how much he had hurt me. I wanted him to know how angry I was that he had treated me this way. I wanted him to know that I felt used and inadequate. But, in the midst of my emotions, I replied “I wish you both all the best” and left it at that. That was the beginning of a spiraling and my confidence was at an all time low. The guy who was telling me all the things I wanted to hear left me for the girl he really wanted to say it to. I couldn't see how I was going to get over this. It felt like a massive blow and I really couldn't make sense of it.

That was until one day, I found myself crying in church. The message that Sunday was entitled “The Waiting Room”. I had heard messages on waiting on God before but this week, it really resonated with me.

Isaiah 40:31 “but those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength”.

I realised that the journey of faith involves God refining us. I felt like I had waited a long time to meet a great man and then he disappeared almost as soon as he came but God reassured me that Bob left because he was only part of my journey but not part of my destination. God was trying to cover me and protect me but by giving in to my self-pity and imposing my own timelines as to when I wanted things to happen, I was trying to uncover what God had intended for me and regain control. They say it often takes one significant moment with God to completely change your life. That church service was it for me. Not only did I feel released and renewed to wait and truly trust God with my future but I also recognised the importance of learning to fall in love with myself again.

In the week's following, a book that also helped me was “Pray while you’re prey” by Toni L Wortherly, Esq. I highly recommend this book to anyone struggling with their single status. The book talks about praying whilst you desire to be "hunted by a mate" and encourages the reader to allow God to work through him/her.

I also ended up going to the Hillsong Conference a few years later and heard a great message from Pastor Steven Furtick called "The Gap". The gap is defined as the area between ‘where I am’ and ‘where I want to be’. When you live in this gap for a long time, you go into a dangerous place called despair - a place known as ‘If it was going to happen, it would’ve happened by now, if it was meant to be it would’ve been’ and faith will give way to frustration. I had been guilty of living in this gap previously. Rather than living in that gap, God encourages us need to spend more time in a different gap, defined as being between "where I am" and "where I was". Thank God that we are not where we used to be and that by faith, we will all be where we want to be. Through God, all things are possible.

My lesson is this. We may not understand why God does certain things but if we believe that God is good and that He has good plans for us, then every covering, every action and every decision that He makes is a blessing. For a long time, I was broken but God was patient with me in my despair and loved me back to life. He can do the same for you too.