Finding security in my identity

Middle child syndrome. The label that’s been attached to my awkwardness, shyness and inability to be free in front of a group of people (to an extent).

Growing up my school reports were always the same. Angel is quiet. The thing is, I never did find this to be an issue. The other girls at secondary school wanted to go home in the opposite direction to meet boys. I really just wanted to go home and meet the books at home waiting for me. I was always comfortable in my quietness and different interests. Don’t get me wrong - I still loved fashion, Nike trainers, music and all the other things that most young black girls from London would be interested in. I could relate to these girls but I just wasn’t very vocal about it.

This all still isn’t much of an issue, again I was comfortable being the way I was. Fast forward to the age of around 18, I started to think maybe I had to become a “loud black girl”; that maybe I should be chasing after boys and started to think there was a problem with my personality, or lack of personality as some would say. I began to question the personality I had been comfortable with for so many years.

It wasn’t until I really gave my life to Jesus that I started to fall in love with myself again.

Being in relationship with Christ taught me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made as Psalm 139:14 states “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

I forgot about the labels that society likes to attach to people and started concentrating on who God says I am.

“The Lord your God is in your midst,

A Warrior who saves.

He will rejoice over you with joy;

He will be quiet in His love [making no mention of your past sins],

He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”

- Zephaniah 3:17 Amplified Bible (AMP)

For me, this is part of what it means when I say my confidence comes from Christ.

In Paul’s letter to the Philippians it states “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself,” (Philippians 2:3). In removing the labels which the world attaches to us, I realised I was also guilty of labeling others. I encourage you to be who you say you are. I am a daughter of Christ, a follower of Christ, I should love onto others the same way God has loved me, still loves me and will love me forever.

So here I am, a twenty something confident awkward middle child, comfortable in my personality and full of love and patience for others. I love meeting people and you’ll find me laughing and joking most of the time and it’s all because I know who I am in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 31:19-24

The Message (MSG)

19-22

What a stack of blessing you have piled up

for those who worship you,

Ready and waiting for all who run to you

to escape an unkind world.

You hide them safely away

from the opposition.

As you slam the door on those oily, mocking faces,

you silence the poisonous gossip.

Blessed God!

His love is the wonder of the world.

Trapped by a siege, I panicked.

“Out of sight, out of mind,” I said.

But you heard me say it,

you heard and listened.

23

Love God, all you saints;

God takes care of all who stay close to him,

But he pays back in full

those arrogant enough to go it alone.

24

Be brave. Be strong. Don’t give up.

Expect God to get here soon.