Overcoming rejection

I had been very close to a particular friend of mine. We had met in secondary school and although we were not formally dating, we spent a lot of time together. Over the next few years, I developed feelings for him. To be honest, I didn't recognise that this had happened until much later on in our friendship but I can definitely admit now that I started to see our relationship less like one that was platonic and more like one that was romantic. Part of this was me failing to guard my heart properly through developing this friendship but I also do believe that on many occasions, he suggested that he saw me as more than a friend and would treat me as a girlfriend. Despite this, he never asked me out but I was ok with this. Naively, I assumed (honestly speaking, based on nothing other than my own fantasy) that he would at some point in future or that we'd eventually end up together. He was a Christian, he was intelligent and he was attractive. Despite all of these things, I actually often felt like I was never good enough for him. When I was in his presence, he would often (I believe unintentionally) make me feel as though my views were stupid or like I wasn't as pretty as some other girls that he had come across before. Still, I didn't think that these were red flags.

Fast forward a year or so and he ended up getting married to a girl that he had been dating for a few months. She was beautiful; she served in several teams in her church and was much younger than I was too. I remember congratulating him as he told me the news but feeling insincere. I had no real right to feel any sense of entitlement, resentment or jealousy but I couldn't bring myself to fully celebrate him because I felt as though he had led me on and left me out to dry.

Understandably, I began to distance myself a bit during this period and continued to do so after they got married but I still did what I could to support them throughout their engagement and eventually on their wedding day too. I genuinely was happy for them at this point by the way (I wouldn't have gone to the wedding if I wasn't!), but I was dealing with what I saw as rejection – feelings of inadequacy, confusion and uncertainty about who I would spend my future with. This will probably sound crazy to people reading this unless you've been through a similar situation but when you genuinely believe that someone is who you will spend the rest of your life with and you find out that they are not, it can be really discouraging and unsettling.

I continued on with my life after that whilst he went on to have his first child. Even though it had been some time later, every time I saw any new development in his life that was worth celebrating, I felt a pang of pain in my stomach (thanks to Facebook, I was getting all of their life updates even when I didn't always want to see them!). I realised at this point that I needed to really give this over to God. I couldn't understand why I was struggling so much to overcome these feelings, especially given that he had never actually been my boyfriend but I did realise that the way he had made me feel during parts of our relationship had been more impactful than I had appreciated and I was rather trying to combat those feelings. It wasn't anyone's fault (I believe that we often act without realising how our actions affect others either on a short-term or long-term basis) but I was fighting to overcome the lies about my identity. I wasn't stupid. I wasn't ugly. And I would meet someone who recognised that.

It was a long process but slowly, God took me by the hand and showed me how to love myself again through His Word and prayer. I committed my full trust to Him that I would get better and eventually live without feeling bitter anymore.

As always, God is faithful! I healed and a few years later, I ended up meeting my wonderful boyfriend who is an incredible and godly man, loves me just as I am and consistently sees my worth and potential – all attributes which mean so much to me, especially following this experience. Prior to meeting him, however, I had truly reached a point where I had started to love myself which I believe made it easier to invite love into my life again and which I think was a crucial step for me to take. During my healing process, I also continued to encourage others about their own love lives and their own futures.

This is not a testimony of me finding the love of my life but this is a testimony of God restoring me to believe in myself again, to guard my heart and to trust in Him. If you have faced rejection of any kind or are currently facing it, fight the lies of the enemy with the WORD OF GOD. Assume the identity that Christ has given you and allow Him to love you into genuinely believing this. Hope is available and things will surely get better in time (joy truly comes in the morning!). He promises.