Trusting the process

When I was in my second year of university, I applied to participate in a number of internships that would take place in the summer before my final year. To my delight, I was offered places on two internships - one with a company which (at the time) I really wanted to work at (and which, on paper, was a more prestigious company) and another with a company that I had seen in my head as a back-up option but certainly not my first choice. What is important to this testimony too is that both offers came to me without me having to particularly strive for them. In fact, in my interview for my back-up choice, I remember thinking it went particularly badly because I couldn't answer a critical question.

I had a choice to pick which of the two internships I would complete first. I decided to go with my back-up choice - that way, I could use it as a practice run and learn from my mistakes in time to shine for the second internship which is where I really wanted to be.

The summer came to complete my internships and I was ready. I had prepared and knew I had this in the bag. I did my first internship and it went really well. I had extremely positive feedback, I gained favour with influential senior members of staff and one of the partners took the time to tell me how impressed he was by a presentation that I delivered. I had a really good time on that internship and I felt like I could be my most authentic self but still, in the back of my mind, knew that I wanted the other one. At the end of this internship, I sat an interview for a permanent graduate role at the company. It ended up being like a very informal chat and went really well. I was confident that this would be a place that I would be happy working at long term but my head told me to focus on the other one. I came out of the building and remember seeing a church and the sun rays beaming down on the cross at the top of the church building, almost signalling to me that I was home. Still, I ignored the signs at the time.

The time came for the other one. Again, all went well. I had performed really well in all of the assessments, I appeared to get along well with the teams that I had been put in and completed all of the tasks I had been given to a high standard. Despite this, I was really unhappy whilst I was there. I hated the culture, I didn't particularly like the people and I felt like I had to "perform" consistently. In fact, I remember in my second week witnessing one of the more senior members of staff shout at a more junior member of staff until she cried and no one did much to comfort her. That was a particularly memorable moment but in spite of all of this, I still wanted to work here (I know, it's crazy!). You know when someone wants to be invited to a party just so they can say they got invited but deep down they don't know if they want to go - that's how I felt. I then interviewed for a permanent graduate position at this company at the end of the internship. The interview again went well.

Shortly after completing the internship, I went on holiday with my family and I found myself praying about my career and the outcome of the interviews. I knew God was telling me that He wanted me to go to the first place but I didn't want that deep down. I cried as I prayed but ultimately accepted that I wanted God's will to be done in my life. "God, shut the door if you don't want me to work there", I prayed because I knew if I got the offer I wouldn't turn it down. I'd want the status. I left it at that.

A few days later I found out that I had an offer to work at the place I had first interned at and had been rejected from the second place. I expected this and I was sad but ultimately trusted that this was God's work. Fast forward eight years and I'm still at this company, have been given more great opportunities than I can recall that I believe are a result of God's favour and I have truly flourished and developed my craft. God's will is always the most prosperous place for our life even if it doesn't look or feel like that at the time. I am confident that I am operating in a place where I was appointed to operate and consequently, God's provision is flowing (Ex 4:10-12).

Be encouraged anyone who may be going through a similar experience. All is well and God's been doing His job for a long time - we're in SAFE HANDS!